Dreams

Dreams
Are like tumors of the brain
They grow and grow till they end the dreamer
Finally causing the brain to burst
The dreams to go flooding out like tears
Tears you cried to make this dream come true
And just like the dreamer becomes an angel
They dreams become reality

Target Starbucks (Complain)

I wear your green apron with my red name tag
Looking like a christmas tree
But I can't complain
Cause the other starbucks down the street
Makes less than me
So I won't complain

You have the privileges
I've never had
But I can't complain
Because I've come farther than you
Even though we are at the same place
So I won't complain

I'm just as funny and clever as you
Just as pretty as you
Though I've never had a boyfriend
But I can't complain
Cause my life is still completing ahead of me
Waiting for every single moment and memory to be made
So I won't complain

Agression, Hate, Love and Deterimination

Stan... Sing for the Moment... Lose Yourself... Mockingbird. Songs of aggression and hate and love and determination. All from one man who I consider to be one of the best artists of our time. Not because of his supreme rapping skills, but more because of his ability to express his emotions in an uncensored and real state. Like him, though not as dramatically, I have anger which is almost always set off from parents and what society tells me to be which has often conflicting ideas. And just like him, my preferred choice of letting out my emotions is through song. And within his songs, he presents ideas that I can relate to which I'm sure many people could. Especially in his "Sing for the Moment," I find a very interesting concept: Whether the media causes violence. A quote which I like very much is "They say music can... talk to you. But can it load a gun for you...?... Next time you assult a dude...Tell the judge it was my fault then I'll get sued." I liked this quote because it shows his intelligence in this unconventional way. But mostly I look him because... frankly... its the guy version of what Taylor Swift would be saying if she had a horrible childhood and on dope. So in other words amazing! But while mad at my parents I put it on and feel better because you know he's saying everything you wish you could say.

Hmmmm... instead of writing my feelings as a FB status I decided to write my current feelings on this blog. Because I know if I were to write a status about how you don't care anymore, if you ever did at all, those who do care will start thinking I'm still not over you; which is contrary to my real feelings. Not at all. Actually I'm simply observing a common theme which I have experienced even proir to you; I must admit however I have never experienced it so fully as with you. But on to this theme that has lead me to write about it on my blog at 1:15 in the morning. It is this: Us, as people, look back and wonder what we did wrong. This is for many possible reasons but I think the two most probable is 1.) we hope to not make the mistake twice or 2.) because we get off on the pain. But real question is not why we do it, its why we think you would really care. Why would I want to go back and change things when I know it would make no difference? Because, while I may not know you as well as your fiance *chuckle, I know it won't make any difference to you; that I may see where I messed up, when I should have just kissed you instead of being a smart ass, when you motioned your index finger to come to you. Because you didn't care enough to tell me you didn't want me.

But most of all why do I keep saying "you"? Like you care enough to read my blog.

Art and its importance

For anyone one knows me, they say I'm very opinionated. This is a complement to me for too many people in this world has a lack of a backbone. I'm opinionated especially when it comes to art. I hold high standards of art and, even more so, peoples opinion of art. Music is my especial favorite version of art. I'm dedicated to my choir and I love discovering new and especially old music. So beware, if you feel courageous enough to start a discussion with me about music, that I will question everything you say. While I know music should never be taken too seriously, its an art form and its time we treat it like an art. For example, let's say the topic of Lady Gaga comes up; you express you dislike her very much. And when I ask you why and you say she's simply "weird," be prepared to explain further; unless you wish your comment to be discredited. Disliking someone because of their eccentric style is, in my opinion, juvinile. Then we direct the conversation to something different. Of course, I won't walk away, decide to dislike you, and express this dislike to my other friends. I suppose this steems from my stepdad's point of view of her. While most of the time I value his opinions, his view of Lady Gaga is very annoying and frankly, ignorant in his traditional way. But all the more I pity his view for one day he may release "Hey, her music ain't bad..." The moral of this I suppose is you should open your mind to other types of art. Why? Because art can give us a way to communicate with people for deep inside every song, or painting, or novel there is a common theme of love and acceptance that the world is trying so desperately to learn. And as we have learned in the past, only when we try new things and open our hearts can we truely learn love and acceptance.

4th of July

Fourth of July... You see it now. Fireworks, barbecue, Mustangs prrring down the road. You know you want it... Makes you excited for the 4th doesn't it. Personally, I love the 4th. It makes me think of summer and Filipino food and some watermelon. I know weird combination but when you grow up in a predominately Filipino and Dutch town, trust me things get weird. Try having lumpia and a sugar and cinninamon elephant ear in 30 minutes of each other. It's a great experience. Now living in the suburbs, I have no place to get that :[ But when I think of the 4th I think of some time far in the future. Hometown, about 10 at night, getting on the ferriswheel, waiting for the fireworks to begin, and with your boyfriends. And when on the ferriswheel, he goes on knee to ask you to marry him. While I have grown into a young woman (kinda) and have grown out of such romantic thoughts (not really), I still hold on to this childhood romantic dream. And while this is only my second 4th away home, I'm still wishing I'm home and with my grandma and Michael and my buddy from the 5th grade. And while I still have a fun day planned for tomorrow, the 4th I wish I could be back on a ferriswheel, with a boyfriend or my grandma or my bud. But while I cuddle with my mom and sister under a blanket and watch the fireworks and realize how they have more money than my hometown just by the show and wish I was home, I'll realize I never do miss a 4th at home for my memories are as real and living as the fireworks are still better in that redneck town.

PS Love Mustangs!

Happy

I hope you’re happy
But no matter what comes your way
What people might say
You should know
I’m happier than you
Cause you’re gone and I’m fine
And that’s the best feeling
I knew I would get through
And over you
The pain in my side doesn’t hurt so much
When I see you two
Cause you make her happy
More than you ever made me

I’m like the roses
You neglected in your front lawn
And while the thorns make people bleed
Like loves does to me
Makes me bleed
While my tears burn the cuts
And one day
When you decide to throw me away
On the side of the road
One will see the beauty
And take me home
And you’ll accuse them of being a thief
Cause that’s the only side you’ve ever soon me

I hope you’re happy
But no matter what comes your way
What people might say
You should know
I’m happier than you
Cause you’re gone and I’m fine
And that’s the best feeling
I knew I would get through
And over you
The pain in my side doesn’t hurt so much
When I see you two
Cause you make her happy
More than you ever made me

This affliction is wearing off
Like a sunburn that stung so bad
In the summer way
In the hottest days
In its drought
But I peeled you off like
The old skin
And as the new pushes you out
I feel no hint of doubt
That

I hope you’re happy
But no matter what comes your way
What people might say
You should know
I’m happier than you
Cause you’re gone and I’m fine
And that’s the best feeling
I knew I would get through
And over you
The pain in my side doesn’t hurt so much
When I see you two
Cause you make her happy
More than you ever made me

My closure was no such thing
It kept the memory of you around longer
When I was convinced
You’d come back to me
I was sure I wouldn’t take you
But it doesn’t really matter
Cause if I’m not good enough for you now
Then I don’t think I’ll ever

I hope you’re happy
But no matter what comes your way
What people might say
You should know
I’m happier than you
Cause you’re gone and I’m fine
And that’s the best feeling
I knew I would get through
And over you
The pain in my side doesn’t hurt so much
When I see you two
Cause you make her happy
More than you ever made me