Dreams
Are like tumors of the brain
They grow and grow till they end the dreamer
Finally causing the brain to burst
The dreams to go flooding out like tears
Tears you cried to make this dream come true
And just like the dreamer becomes an angel
They dreams become reality
Monday, September 6, 2010
Target Starbucks (Complain)
I wear your green apron with my red name tag
Looking like a christmas tree
But I can't complain
Cause the other starbucks down the street
Makes less than me
So I won't complain
You have the privileges
I've never had
But I can't complain
Because I've come farther than you
Even though we are at the same place
So I won't complain
I'm just as funny and clever as you
Just as pretty as you
Though I've never had a boyfriend
But I can't complain
Cause my life is still completing ahead of me
Waiting for every single moment and memory to be made
So I won't complain
Looking like a christmas tree
But I can't complain
Cause the other starbucks down the street
Makes less than me
So I won't complain
You have the privileges
I've never had
But I can't complain
Because I've come farther than you
Even though we are at the same place
So I won't complain
I'm just as funny and clever as you
Just as pretty as you
Though I've never had a boyfriend
But I can't complain
Cause my life is still completing ahead of me
Waiting for every single moment and memory to be made
So I won't complain
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Agression, Hate, Love and Deterimination
Stan... Sing for the Moment... Lose Yourself... Mockingbird. Songs of aggression and hate and love and determination. All from one man who I consider to be one of the best artists of our time. Not because of his supreme rapping skills, but more because of his ability to express his emotions in an uncensored and real state. Like him, though not as dramatically, I have anger which is almost always set off from parents and what society tells me to be which has often conflicting ideas. And just like him, my preferred choice of letting out my emotions is through song. And within his songs, he presents ideas that I can relate to which I'm sure many people could. Especially in his "Sing for the Moment," I find a very interesting concept: Whether the media causes violence. A quote which I like very much is "They say music can... talk to you. But can it load a gun for you...?... Next time you assult a dude...Tell the judge it was my fault then I'll get sued." I liked this quote because it shows his intelligence in this unconventional way. But mostly I look him because... frankly... its the guy version of what Taylor Swift would be saying if she had a horrible childhood and on dope. So in other words amazing! But while mad at my parents I put it on and feel better because you know he's saying everything you wish you could say.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Hmmmm... instead of writing my feelings as a FB status I decided to write my current feelings on this blog. Because I know if I were to write a status about how you don't care anymore, if you ever did at all, those who do care will start thinking I'm still not over you; which is contrary to my real feelings. Not at all. Actually I'm simply observing a common theme which I have experienced even proir to you; I must admit however I have never experienced it so fully as with you. But on to this theme that has lead me to write about it on my blog at 1:15 in the morning. It is this: Us, as people, look back and wonder what we did wrong. This is for many possible reasons but I think the two most probable is 1.) we hope to not make the mistake twice or 2.) because we get off on the pain. But real question is not why we do it, its why we think you would really care. Why would I want to go back and change things when I know it would make no difference? Because, while I may not know you as well as your fiance *chuckle, I know it won't make any difference to you; that I may see where I messed up, when I should have just kissed you instead of being a smart ass, when you motioned your index finger to come to you. Because you didn't care enough to tell me you didn't want me.
But most of all why do I keep saying "you"? Like you care enough to read my blog.
But most of all why do I keep saying "you"? Like you care enough to read my blog.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Art and its importance
For anyone one knows me, they say I'm very opinionated. This is a complement to me for too many people in this world has a lack of a backbone. I'm opinionated especially when it comes to art. I hold high standards of art and, even more so, peoples opinion of art. Music is my especial favorite version of art. I'm dedicated to my choir and I love discovering new and especially old music. So beware, if you feel courageous enough to start a discussion with me about music, that I will question everything you say. While I know music should never be taken too seriously, its an art form and its time we treat it like an art. For example, let's say the topic of Lady Gaga comes up; you express you dislike her very much. And when I ask you why and you say she's simply "weird," be prepared to explain further; unless you wish your comment to be discredited. Disliking someone because of their eccentric style is, in my opinion, juvinile. Then we direct the conversation to something different. Of course, I won't walk away, decide to dislike you, and express this dislike to my other friends. I suppose this steems from my stepdad's point of view of her. While most of the time I value his opinions, his view of Lady Gaga is very annoying and frankly, ignorant in his traditional way. But all the more I pity his view for one day he may release "Hey, her music ain't bad..." The moral of this I suppose is you should open your mind to other types of art. Why? Because art can give us a way to communicate with people for deep inside every song, or painting, or novel there is a common theme of love and acceptance that the world is trying so desperately to learn. And as we have learned in the past, only when we try new things and open our hearts can we truely learn love and acceptance.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
4th of July
Fourth of July... You see it now. Fireworks, barbecue, Mustangs prrring down the road. You know you want it... Makes you excited for the 4th doesn't it. Personally, I love the 4th. It makes me think of summer and Filipino food and some watermelon. I know weird combination but when you grow up in a predominately Filipino and Dutch town, trust me things get weird. Try having lumpia and a sugar and cinninamon elephant ear in 30 minutes of each other. It's a great experience. Now living in the suburbs, I have no place to get that :[ But when I think of the 4th I think of some time far in the future. Hometown, about 10 at night, getting on the ferriswheel, waiting for the fireworks to begin, and with your boyfriends. And when on the ferriswheel, he goes on knee to ask you to marry him. While I have grown into a young woman (kinda) and have grown out of such romantic thoughts (not really), I still hold on to this childhood romantic dream. And while this is only my second 4th away home, I'm still wishing I'm home and with my grandma and Michael and my buddy from the 5th grade. And while I still have a fun day planned for tomorrow, the 4th I wish I could be back on a ferriswheel, with a boyfriend or my grandma or my bud. But while I cuddle with my mom and sister under a blanket and watch the fireworks and realize how they have more money than my hometown just by the show and wish I was home, I'll realize I never do miss a 4th at home for my memories are as real and living as the fireworks are still better in that redneck town.
PS Love Mustangs!
PS Love Mustangs!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Happy
I hope you’re happy
But no matter what comes your way
What people might say
You should know
I’m happier than you
Cause you’re gone and I’m fine
And that’s the best feeling
I knew I would get through
And over you
The pain in my side doesn’t hurt so much
When I see you two
Cause you make her happy
More than you ever made me
I’m like the roses
You neglected in your front lawn
And while the thorns make people bleed
Like loves does to me
Makes me bleed
While my tears burn the cuts
And one day
When you decide to throw me away
On the side of the road
One will see the beauty
And take me home
And you’ll accuse them of being a thief
Cause that’s the only side you’ve ever soon me
I hope you’re happy
But no matter what comes your way
What people might say
You should know
I’m happier than you
Cause you’re gone and I’m fine
And that’s the best feeling
I knew I would get through
And over you
The pain in my side doesn’t hurt so much
When I see you two
Cause you make her happy
More than you ever made me
This affliction is wearing off
Like a sunburn that stung so bad
In the summer way
In the hottest days
In its drought
But I peeled you off like
The old skin
And as the new pushes you out
I feel no hint of doubt
That
I hope you’re happy
But no matter what comes your way
What people might say
You should know
I’m happier than you
Cause you’re gone and I’m fine
And that’s the best feeling
I knew I would get through
And over you
The pain in my side doesn’t hurt so much
When I see you two
Cause you make her happy
More than you ever made me
My closure was no such thing
It kept the memory of you around longer
When I was convinced
You’d come back to me
I was sure I wouldn’t take you
But it doesn’t really matter
Cause if I’m not good enough for you now
Then I don’t think I’ll ever
I hope you’re happy
But no matter what comes your way
What people might say
You should know
I’m happier than you
Cause you’re gone and I’m fine
And that’s the best feeling
I knew I would get through
And over you
The pain in my side doesn’t hurt so much
When I see you two
Cause you make her happy
More than you ever made me
But no matter what comes your way
What people might say
You should know
I’m happier than you
Cause you’re gone and I’m fine
And that’s the best feeling
I knew I would get through
And over you
The pain in my side doesn’t hurt so much
When I see you two
Cause you make her happy
More than you ever made me
I’m like the roses
You neglected in your front lawn
And while the thorns make people bleed
Like loves does to me
Makes me bleed
While my tears burn the cuts
And one day
When you decide to throw me away
On the side of the road
One will see the beauty
And take me home
And you’ll accuse them of being a thief
Cause that’s the only side you’ve ever soon me
I hope you’re happy
But no matter what comes your way
What people might say
You should know
I’m happier than you
Cause you’re gone and I’m fine
And that’s the best feeling
I knew I would get through
And over you
The pain in my side doesn’t hurt so much
When I see you two
Cause you make her happy
More than you ever made me
This affliction is wearing off
Like a sunburn that stung so bad
In the summer way
In the hottest days
In its drought
But I peeled you off like
The old skin
And as the new pushes you out
I feel no hint of doubt
That
I hope you’re happy
But no matter what comes your way
What people might say
You should know
I’m happier than you
Cause you’re gone and I’m fine
And that’s the best feeling
I knew I would get through
And over you
The pain in my side doesn’t hurt so much
When I see you two
Cause you make her happy
More than you ever made me
My closure was no such thing
It kept the memory of you around longer
When I was convinced
You’d come back to me
I was sure I wouldn’t take you
But it doesn’t really matter
Cause if I’m not good enough for you now
Then I don’t think I’ll ever
I hope you’re happy
But no matter what comes your way
What people might say
You should know
I’m happier than you
Cause you’re gone and I’m fine
And that’s the best feeling
I knew I would get through
And over you
The pain in my side doesn’t hurt so much
When I see you two
Cause you make her happy
More than you ever made me
Thursday, June 24, 2010
It's in the name
Ever since the president election of 2008, I have seen an increase in the youths involvement in politics. Now, personally being a student, this makes me overjoyed and hopeful for the future; I think one the best things to come from that election.
With that being said, I would like to talk "a little" politics. And I think something the youth would benefit from understanding is the don't ask, don't tell policy. If you don't know that is, it's a military policy protecting every gay, bisexual, lesbian and straight person who is serving. And it's exactly how it sounds. Don't ask if someone is gay, don't tell anybody if you're gay or if someone is gay. Doesn't sound that hard to follow does it? Not to mention, if you're gay they won't say you can't join. It's not a way to discriminate. Then why do they have it? Now I don't mean to be harsh, but maybe if you weren't ignorant of the military then maybe you would understand. If you have questions, then ask. Look online, using reliable resources(not Perez Hilton). So think about it, you're in the military and you get put on a boat for a whole year. And how would you feel if you had to share bathing areas with some is attracted to your sex? Why do we have separate areas for guys and girls? Because, no one wants to undress and be checked out. I sure as hell I wouldn't a guy there while I undressed! It's a way of protecting people and making sure people don't feel uncomfortable in the work place, sexually. In this case, ignorance is bliss.
Secondly, let's be honest; while our culture has become less and less homophobic and more excepting, there are still people who harass and gossip about people being a gay. And this policy is a way of protecting homosexuals or bisexuals from harassment. Personally, in a work place, I would rather have people not knowing than having to defend myself.
So in conclusion, either A.) we keep the policy or B.) make it open bathing areas, having people learning to grow up (they do it in college). This was a quick run through of opinions. I just hope people may see it from the other side.
Just so I make this clear. I love my gays and I love my military. I have been a military brat since I was born.
With that being said, I would like to talk "a little" politics. And I think something the youth would benefit from understanding is the don't ask, don't tell policy. If you don't know that is, it's a military policy protecting every gay, bisexual, lesbian and straight person who is serving. And it's exactly how it sounds. Don't ask if someone is gay, don't tell anybody if you're gay or if someone is gay. Doesn't sound that hard to follow does it? Not to mention, if you're gay they won't say you can't join. It's not a way to discriminate. Then why do they have it? Now I don't mean to be harsh, but maybe if you weren't ignorant of the military then maybe you would understand. If you have questions, then ask. Look online, using reliable resources(not Perez Hilton). So think about it, you're in the military and you get put on a boat for a whole year. And how would you feel if you had to share bathing areas with some is attracted to your sex? Why do we have separate areas for guys and girls? Because, no one wants to undress and be checked out. I sure as hell I wouldn't a guy there while I undressed! It's a way of protecting people and making sure people don't feel uncomfortable in the work place, sexually. In this case, ignorance is bliss.
Secondly, let's be honest; while our culture has become less and less homophobic and more excepting, there are still people who harass and gossip about people being a gay. And this policy is a way of protecting homosexuals or bisexuals from harassment. Personally, in a work place, I would rather have people not knowing than having to defend myself.
So in conclusion, either A.) we keep the policy or B.) make it open bathing areas, having people learning to grow up (they do it in college). This was a quick run through of opinions. I just hope people may see it from the other side.
Just so I make this clear. I love my gays and I love my military. I have been a military brat since I was born.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Family Portrait

Dad- My dad, despite what it may seem in the picture, is not Jewish. He's actually and atheist and he lives in Rapid City, South Dakota. If you aren't good with geography think Mount Rushmore. We have some... very interesting conversations. On anything from religion (I'm agnostic by the way) to history to Broadway musicals. Check out his blog http://romanticrationalist.blogspot.com/
Skipping Me
Sean (step dad)- He is a very important part of my life. I feel like I can talk to him and he can be honesty and whether a teenage girl or a parent of a teenage girl, you know they need honesty. He is a catholic and I love the way he talks about religion. he is barely ever offended by the things I say about this religion. I'm thankful that I can ask him things and I can learn. And he's pretty damn funny as well. And sorry ladies he doesn't have 10pack abs.
Mom-My mom is my hero! The plain, straight, truth. I mean she's not perfect but she is strong women. I have learned to so much about strength from her. And her sound effects make my day.
Miranda (sis)- My sister is one of the sweetest people you'll ever meet. She adorably awkward and I love it! If you hurt her I will hurt you. Ironic ain't it? But besides the point she's an amazing person even though we bitch. And she looked like an Asian child.
Michael(Mike-y!)- I love him! And yes he is that big! 6'5"!He He is a big baby at heart but he can be a grump. Growing up he was the grump of the neighborhood. But unlike many people, I must admit, he has been there for me for my whole life! I own him alot. PS. he remarried my grandma.
Grandma- Sweetest person you'll ever meet. I know I can always come to her when I need support. I just truly have never meet anyone like her. My best memory was just recently when my mom, my grandma and I got pedicures. My grandma's innocence shined as she watched the lady paint her toenails.
Poems from a Love Affair
Well, this is collection of poems I wrote These poems were written by inspiration given from family, friends, and any movie with a love affair. If you notice they are in chronological order like the "Final Goodbye" and written from the "other woman's" point of view. Enjoy and comment.
"You can barely see yourself
And you don't see me at all."
I still pick flowers in the spring
Save it for the winter
I will be missing the green
Keep them as long as time permits
I'm a sentimental
I must admit
I wonder if you think of me
From time to time
Cause everyone knows
You should be with me
Silly Boy
You don't see it ?
Do you?
What can I do?
Everytime they break your heart
We all watch you fall apart
Just spend a day with me
And you'll see
I'm exactly what you have been looking for
But I would understand
If you want to close the door
Cause I think you need time
To open yours eyes
To the world around you
Cause the problem isn't me
It's your in capability
To yourself truly
It's your insanity
Baby it's driving up the walls
You can barely see yourself
And you don't see me at all
Courage; Faith's Hope
Courage...
It is what leads us to the battlefield
Faith...
What gives us hope
But when our faith is falling
Ripping at the seams
A single glimpse of light
Of hope is left
The last hope
Faith's last hope...
Courage
Here I am...
At the battlefield
As my faith in me and you was slipping
My last hope was growing
The courage in me was growing
I would have rather died on the battlefield
With my faith
Than live with no faith at all
"I just can't be Noah Right now."
What was that?
An apology
For the misleading
Or for acting like you really knew me?
Did you ever see me at all?
Even when they let you fall?
Questions plague me
As time goes by
Building like the weeds
Growing in my mind
Tell me
Is this how little you think of me?
So selfish
Asking you to be
A man from a fantasy
Or was the words you said
Made to save you from guilt,
For knowing you had to break my heart
The worst that could be
Is these words where said to
Convince yourself that
We weren't meant to be
Funny how I still believe
What You Will See When You Look in Your Eyes
I feel the need to pull away
When you catch me in the eyes
Why don't I ever try?
Because when I look
I fall deep in your hazel eyes
The pit, the hole
And I see the spiders crawling
Up the walls
Even they, too afraid
To see what happens next
I sit in this hole through spring
Summer,
And fall
But when winter comes
The snow falls
I will leave
To a fire with a glass of bourbon
With me to a scene one could only dream
But when the snow melts
You will look in the hole and find nothing
In the hollow hole of your hazel eyes
Final Goodbye
How dare you!
Treat me like a concubine
Like a common swine
Not even worth your time
You drag me along
But shoo me away
Never giving me the time of day
To make you see the love
I could have gave
My heart and soul
And body was yours to take
Little did I know after you used it
You would throw it away
But a friend once told me
Jerks are like the chickenpox
Once the hurt is over
It will forever stop
And once you will the justification
You forced to me
You'll see
Why this is my final goodbye
"You can barely see yourself
And you don't see me at all."
I still pick flowers in the spring
Save it for the winter
I will be missing the green
Keep them as long as time permits
I'm a sentimental
I must admit
I wonder if you think of me
From time to time
Cause everyone knows
You should be with me
Silly Boy
You don't see it ?
Do you?
What can I do?
Everytime they break your heart
We all watch you fall apart
Just spend a day with me
And you'll see
I'm exactly what you have been looking for
But I would understand
If you want to close the door
Cause I think you need time
To open yours eyes
To the world around you
Cause the problem isn't me
It's your in capability
To yourself truly
It's your insanity
Baby it's driving up the walls
You can barely see yourself
And you don't see me at all
Courage; Faith's Hope
Courage...
It is what leads us to the battlefield
Faith...
What gives us hope
But when our faith is falling
Ripping at the seams
A single glimpse of light
Of hope is left
The last hope
Faith's last hope...
Courage
Here I am...
At the battlefield
As my faith in me and you was slipping
My last hope was growing
The courage in me was growing
I would have rather died on the battlefield
With my faith
Than live with no faith at all
"I just can't be Noah Right now."
What was that?
An apology
For the misleading
Or for acting like you really knew me?
Did you ever see me at all?
Even when they let you fall?
Questions plague me
As time goes by
Building like the weeds
Growing in my mind
Tell me
Is this how little you think of me?
So selfish
Asking you to be
A man from a fantasy
Or was the words you said
Made to save you from guilt,
For knowing you had to break my heart
The worst that could be
Is these words where said to
Convince yourself that
We weren't meant to be
Funny how I still believe
What You Will See When You Look in Your Eyes
I feel the need to pull away
When you catch me in the eyes
Why don't I ever try?
Because when I look
I fall deep in your hazel eyes
The pit, the hole
And I see the spiders crawling
Up the walls
Even they, too afraid
To see what happens next
I sit in this hole through spring
Summer,
And fall
But when winter comes
The snow falls
I will leave
To a fire with a glass of bourbon
With me to a scene one could only dream
But when the snow melts
You will look in the hole and find nothing
In the hollow hole of your hazel eyes
Final Goodbye
How dare you!
Treat me like a concubine
Like a common swine
Not even worth your time
You drag me along
But shoo me away
Never giving me the time of day
To make you see the love
I could have gave
My heart and soul
And body was yours to take
Little did I know after you used it
You would throw it away
But a friend once told me
Jerks are like the chickenpox
Once the hurt is over
It will forever stop
And once you will the justification
You forced to me
You'll see
Why this is my final goodbye
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Summer love
Summer is here and just like we always ask ourselves this time of year: what do I do now? Well, making a blog for one. But personally, I feel like after the first week, you just sit around waiting to have someone invite you some place. I remember trying to write story where it goes through summer and how the idea of summer's significance is maybe true. But let's be trueful, it really doesn't. I know I'm young (I have feeling that will be saying that alot in this blog) but I've never had that one summer or that one summer love. I don't feel I change that much either. What is there to challenge you and your character? No big tests. No studying. No real need for any perseverance. I mean maybe a job. Only those with significant others have any real point of summer so they can spend every moment with them. My point however this summer I must admit is getting over those who treat you badly with your friends and family, escaping from those who treated you with little respect. So if you read this I hope you find that one thing you want out of this summer. Whether it be romantic love, family love or the love for yourself you have been denying I hope you find the time to let this love grow "and remember how we spent a summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. "The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
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