Growing up

There are two different types of growing up. The first kind makes you a little stronger each second. It is a steady growth and while grueling at points, it doesn’t hurt. Tires you out maybe but it doesn’t hurt. Then, there is the second kind of growing up when you are hit with immeasurable pain. It weights you down and you feel weak as if one more feather on top of the world you carry on your back will make your whole body snap in two. Like a summer breeze will make you fall over and shatter. This growing up hurts but the worst part is that doesn’t make you stronger every second that passes. Just as sudden as the wave of pain hits you, the wave of strength hits you. This type of growing up won’t happen to everyone. You may feel jealous of people who never understand this pain. But this pain changes you. It changes you into the person you will be one day. The people who understand this pain, they will be the ones who change the world. But as to whether we are given this pain so we can change the world one day or we change the world one day to make you for this immeasurable pain, we will never know. Either way I will never shy away from growing up. Romans 5 <3

“christian”

You make me sick to my stomach

You make me hurt like no one else could

I wanted you to be

Everything he denied me

But you denied me too

After I put all my hope in you

You have pushed me away

I wonder if you wished

I would have stayed

You always did say I can’t miss you till you’re gone

I wished I could have understood then

You never say that unless you never will

Oh how that thought kills

you try to be a little bit like him

But forgiveness is your weakness

As is love, as is your pride

I know you’re trying but you hurt me everytime

Empire State of Mind

“The city seen from the Queensboro Bridge is always the city seen for the first time, in its first wild promise of all the mystery and beauty in the world.” Great Gatsby, Fitzgerald

“New York was no mere city. It was instead an infinitely romantic notion, the mysterious nexus of all love and money and power, the shining and the perishable dream itself. To think of 'living' there was to reduce the miraculous to the mundane; one does not 'live' at Xanadu.”- Joan Didion

“From the minute I arrived, I knew the only place my dreams would come true was New York. So I continued to think of it while sitting in my boring math class, knowing the only way I could escape from high school, is if I could escape to New York” – Breanna Northrup

“One belongs to New York instantly, one belongs to it as much in five minutes as in five years.”
― Tom Wolfe

Music

It’s within these breaks of writing my English final and studying for my math test that I realize the one of my two biggest truths. It is that music matters more than anything else in this world. I think of my English paper and think that while all this stuff is very interesting and challenging my intellect at the end of the day it will never matter. But music can set your soul on fire and put peace in your heart by the realization that we are not alone in this world. It helps me realize that we are not connected by science or math or literature but by music. Literature can get mixed up by translation. Math means nothing standing alone and science, while very important, can be equally destructive as helpful plus it means very little to people beyond scientist. But music means something to everyone. I means something to you when you’re driving in your car with you friends or the lover of your dreams. I means something to you before you take a test as you’re trying to calm down or psych yourself. It means something to you when you don’t think you can live another day of your life. It does what math could never do; mean something standing alone. It does what science could never do; it means something to everyone in way that could never hurt us. It does what literature could never do; music doesn’t need to be translated into different languages. Sometimes I feel like there is the world around me. There is my body. And then… there is something deeper than that… my soul as corny as that sounds. And when I sing or listen to music or play a few simple chords on the guitar it touches my soul and I feel like music is dragging my soul out and presenting it to the world. I begin to wonder if everyone else feels that way. I pray everyday they can understand this but I know some people don’t. I feel in moments like these that music is what was sent of this earth to do and no matter the obstacle I can’t give up. This is what Beethoven though. Even when completely death, he knew that was what he was supposed to do. Fate was knocking on his door and he answered it. He died happy saying what he felt like he was meant to say to the world, trying to get them to understand the message that math, literature or science could never figure out.

“Without music, life would be a mistake”- Friedrich Nietzsche

The Tides

Some things I can’t hide

The pain from the tide

Turning on me

The tide went out, they came right back in

Trapping me on an island I’d never win

It was cold and it was lonely

I was thinking if only

If I could be desperate enough one day

To leave it all and just fly away

Cause Dad was never there

And Mom didn’t care

All I wanted to hear was three simple words

But no matter how long I waited to hear

The words never came, the fog never cleared

So winter came and froze me inside

Couldn’t see the light coming from your eyes

I was so blind

But blood turned to ice and it had to suffice

For each step I took, I could have fallen through

If it wasn’t for you

And in this in between, called home

I know I am not alone

It’s never what the say it is

It’s not comforting, not loving

You get so sick of pretending

That it doesn’t hurt you every time

They leave you behind

But then we meet

And you never left

What begin with your death

Started my new life

Then you went on everyday saving me

From everything I was never meant to be

But I know things are gonna happen

and my destiny will change even when trapped in

This thing called home

I wonder what will change their minds

I wonder if they’ll change like the tide

For their sake, I pray to you they never do

Celebrities Read Mean Tweets

so mean yet so funny. I love them all but seriously this shit is hilarious.